I wait all day, just hoping for one more minute with you.

To touch you… and to feel you. To be able to hold your hand.
Do you know what that means to me? 

The reason why I felt so miserable at Genting was partly because I was missing you so damn much...
The other reason was because I felt extremely upset with myself for hurting you with all that quarrelling...

I guess you know how it feels like to be missing and thinking about someone everyday...
Not to be able to see, hear or hold the person that you love...
And even though I did everything I can, I was still unable to see you...
Sometimes I really can't take it anymore so I ended up doing things my way and come looking for you..
But it always end up upsetting u, making u angry...
I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to cause u to be upset...

I didn't meant to make you feel terrible or feel like the worst living person in the world...
I just needed you to understand and acknowledge how I feel but in the end I end up hurting you more...
And yet you always end up apologising when everything was my fault.
It hurts seeing u say all tht abt yourself, saying sorry again and again, I just need you to understand how I feel...I'm sorry to make u feel that way...
I feel so guilty and upset for hurting you, especially the day when u broke down at ur com, I felt so remorseful.
I'm sorry for everything, I'm just a selfish person.

I worry alot abt my parents. Seeing the amount of medication they need to take daily is very scary.
My heart breaks knowing that they are getting worst by the day, all the medicine is just prolonging it, they will never get better...

I worry when the time comes I will not be able to give them the necessay care and attention. No way I can afford to let them see private. Because I'm such a useless son, my mum had to wait 3 days to take her scan and she had to starve 3 days n nights becauseof me. I feel completely useless.

Work is just going downhill, I really can't be bothered much at this moment.
My own UM can come and tell me he is not motivated and half the time he keeps repeating that he regret leaving pizza hut. then wtf is he still staying around. Small little things also cannot handle, always want to run away from meetings and presentations. My AM is another useless one, even other AMs can say that as well, really no comments...and seriously if they want to terminate me now I also can't be the least bothered at all...

My emotions seems to be all messed up, I'm upset amd guilty with myself, I love you and I miss you like crazy, I feel like the most useless son in the world, I can't even be bothered with work at this time and the headaches are not helping much at all. I just feel completely broken.

When I tried to eat my lunch today, there was no strength in my arms. My hands felt so weak.
I couldn't even hold my plate. I had to put my plate on the table and slowly feed myself with my other hand.

Fever.
37.8 degrees.
Head feels like bursting.
2 days MC.
But all that I can think about is you.
My heart feels so heavy.
How are u Mermaid?

But I guess all you want is to be alone.
Cause you rather keep everything inside you.
I know you are a strong girl.
But I want you to know I'm always there for you.

3am. Can't sleep at all. I wonder how are you doing?

I'm sick of the people at work.
Sick of these people who only know have to make use of others to make themselves look good.
Who never gives you the support when necessary then push the blame to others when things happen.

What kind of Area Manager are you when you've never held a single meeting with your Management team?
Never bother to come down to even take a look during the busiest days, only appearing when we are going to close and see if there is anything for you to eat?

What kind of Director are you when you fuss about the smallest things when there are more important things that should be done? Who complains more than motivate? Who just like people to suck up to your ass?

And I shall not be some wayang spider to play your stupid look good game. Because I'm better than that.

It was just 3 days ago, where we "spoke"to each other in cantonese.
It has been a long while since we had such a funny conversation.
U were so adorable....I was smiling to myself all the way.
And even though I couldn't see or hear you, I loved every moment of it.
You're just a wonderful woman.

I know you don't want me to worry.
That's why u say you're doing fine.
But how could you be fine inside?
I know you rather keep everything inside your heart and suffer yourself.
I wish I can see you, but I know you don't want to see me.
I know you don't want me to suffer too.
But I know I tonight is another sleepless night
Goodnight Mermaid, love you always.

I wish I knew what to say.
I wish I knew how to console and comfort you.
But I really don't know how or what to say now.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.

I couldn't sleep well at all the whole night.
I knew something was very wrong.
I was thinking about you the whole day...worried...
I wanted to text u so badly but I held back and just left a goodnight message on your bakery.

The news broke my heart.
And I broke down in my bed.
All this while I wish I could there for u.
I wished I was with you at every moment.
To be beside you. To be there for you.
To share whatever you're thinking and feeling.
As much as I would wish to, but I know I can't.
So believe me when I say I'm there with you cause my heart has always been with you.

Take good care my beautiful mermaid, love you always.

I'm very worried about your papa's condition.
And I'm worried about you as well.
Cause I know you are stressed, pressured and vexed.
I don't have to feel this way.
But I do.
And I dont want to agitate you or cause u more worry so I'll just keep quiet and pray that everything wil turn out well for u n ur papa.

Dream

Slept only for 5hrs and woke up.
Head was really heavy...took me a while to realize I was dreaming...
Somehow I was at site office...couldn't seem to contact you...
Apparently your sister is sitting beside me and she's my colleague?
She couldn't contact u as well.
Feeling very worried about you. Someone ask me out for lunch.
So I went. Driving halfway, saw u sitting at the roadside smoking...
I came to you and you look damn upset.
Pulled u to somewhere quiet and u broke down on me...

Slack?

Slack my bloody fucking ass.

We are the 4th highest gross sales in USS, after Carts, Discovery and Mel's
Either we get extended to 9pm or we have festive walk till 930pm.
We don't close at 6pm everyday like other outlets.
And whats the point of putting a pregnant woman for operations?
In the end we have more worries. Might as well run full shift myself.
All the extra hours put in to cover operations.
Taking only MC once a year.
Working even though still sick.
Changing off days specifically to come back to help out high peak days.
Maintaining my labor costs at 22-23% every month.
Making at least $100k profit every single month.
And you say we are slack?

How about those outlets who lose money every month? Shouldn't u deduct their fucking pay?
Piss of u fucking idiot.

I'm not sick and tired of work.
I'm just sick and tired of the people I work with.

Feel like vomitting for the past two days.
Can't seem to start my engine for work.
Can't seem to have a proper meal either.
Damn.

Bad feeling...

Precious Moments...

Now each time I stepped into the Precious Thots shop, I feel like buying all the precious moments things for you. :)

You shouldn't feel hurt,

because you are the first thing in my mind when I wake up each morning,
and you are the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep,
and in between all that, all I could think about is you,
hoping to see you, hear you, hold you and kiss you,
wanting to do all the sweetest and most romantic things to you in the world,
wanting to give everything I can and have to you,
to spend every single little moment I can find to love you...

Goodnight Mermaid, sweet dreams & sleep tight.

Headaches

The headaches are getting worst.

The panadols doesn't seem to be working.
Can feel the pain at the back of my head and the sides, like a pliers clamping the sides.

Fuck

August 8, 2011

I will always be in the losing end of this relationship.
Even though I cannot ask for anything from you, I still gave you my heart, my mind and my soul.
Because I love you.

Even though I'm so sick and half dead in bed, all I could think about was you.
How are you? Is your dad ok? Did u get enough rest? How do u feel? What did u eat today?
Maybe I love you more than myself..

Goodnight mermaid. I love you.

Yours forever

When I proposed to you on the 13th of April 2011, I had given all of myself to you.
I wonder if you realized?

Words can't explain how beautiful you are to me.
How easily you can make me smile.
I probably think about you a million times in a day
and each and single every time you are just that beautiful to me.

I wish we could spend more time together, there's so much I want to do and  share with you.
But I know you have so much commitments. So all I can do is just wait.

I love you

I love you.
I'm dying to see you,
dying for your company,
dying to hear your voice,
dying to hold u close in my arms,
dying to kiss you,
dying to whisper I love you in your ears.
But I can't and all I can do is to message you..

I miss you

I miss U.
I miss you more than anything in the world.
You are first thing on my mind when I open my eyes in the morning.
and the very last thing on my mind before I close my eyes at night.
I would do anything in the world just to spend that little bit more time with u.
Travel any distance just to have u right by my side.
You have no idea how happy I am to see you,
to hear your voice, to see ur smile...